All lifeforms with with a complex nervous system are continuously faced with the same immediate question: What do you do next?
Every second, I make decisions based on an enormous pool of possibilities. Right now, I’m typing this post. Every keystroke represent a decision to continue writing, at the expense of other more tempting options. I could make a cup of coffee, I could take a nap on the couch or I could go for a walk. Just my imagination is limiting the possibilities.
Still, I continue typing, even though nobody is pointing a gun to my head.
The point is, everything I do is a based on a decision between many choices. It isn’t always an easy decision, but it is a decision – and it is my decision.
In any case, I catch myself saying I have to hurry with some things and I don’t have a choice. A few years ago, that was basically how I lived my life. I had to work to make money to pay mortgages and car loans. I had to own a house, as opposed to renting one, because that’s how married couples live, at least here in Norway.
I could have filled this post with all kinds of things I have to do, but you have probably gotten my point already. I suppose at least 75 percent of everything I did on a normal day and 90 percent of how I lived my life, was based on the words I have to – usually followed by a “hurry”. Even though I suffer from chronic fear of numbers, I still think these numbers today are a bit different, probably about 40 and 50 percent respectively, which is a great leap in the right direction. Needless to say, I plan to improve the figures further…
The universal law of having to…
I often hear friends and family talk about responsibilities and duties, and if everyone did what they wanted to do, all the time, the world would collapse into chaos. Then they carry on with a long list of examples, like paying taxes, sending the kids to school, making money, not breaking the law, and so on.
As a scientific theory – some things, a human being just has to do (preferably as soon as possible) – not much scrutiny is needed. If you can find just one example of someone who does not do it, it is not a universal law, is it? I’m sure, if you go through your own list of things you have to do, you will find at least one exception to every point. In addition, you’ll probably see that – when you think about it – not everything needs to be done immediately.
So, if there is no universal law, who decided it applies to you? What are your reasons for doing things that start with I have to, as opposed to I decide to? What will be the consequences from doing it like this? I know it’s a paradox, but I often catch myself using things I have to do as an excuse for things I don’t wish to do. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one thinking like this.
I should probably mention that I don’t think we should stop paying our taxes, sending our kids to school and so on. Also, some things just have to be done fast, and of course we should when necessary. I like to think that I decide to do these things, and nobody’s forcing me. If I choose to do something, I appreciate it even more, and at the same time I take more responsibility. Also, I usually do it at a more sensible pace. I don’t think I’m the only one thinking like this either.
Why do we have to?
Sometimes, I really don’t have a choice, and there is only one option. Is that really true? I think, at least as a general rule, that this statement is more about a lack of imagination than the lack of possibilities.
If anyone, however unlikely, would point a gun at my head and force me to wrap up this post, I would still have a choice. I would probably not like any of the alternatives, but there would still be options to choose from.
Another alternative is of course that I wouldn’t want the responsibility of the consequences of my choices. It wasn’t my fault, I didn’t want to publish this post, but I had to. I had a gun pointing to my head – and so I had to hurry to write it…
This of course, is a pretty common thought in the public sector here in Norway, where I have my daily job. It’s quite common to hear employees hide behind rules and procedures. I can’t know for sure of course, but I doubt they have a gun pointing in their direction, even though they sometimes act like they did – often with a sloppy result.
The bottom line is, I think the “have to”-attitude is transferred to us at a very early stage, as a part of our socializing process (or the social control…). It is much easier to follow orders if I’m convinced I have no choice, and the only way to implement it is to do it as quickly as possible.
What can be done?
Of course, there is no reason why you have to do anything about this. But there could be several good reasons for you to want to and choose to do something.
I’m quite sure that what is done based on an energy that is derived of the notion of having a choice, is far more pleasurable than what is done based on the notion of not having a choice. I’m also sure the quality and value of the result is much higher with the latter.
To end this, I think a lot of the violence in the world happens as a result of decisions based on no other alternatives and no options. I’m inclined to believe that if we gave ourselves the opportunity to slow down, and act based on the fact that we all have the chance to reconsider, and most importantly choose, much violence, bullying and distress, could be avoided.
So now I choose to wrap this post up, so that I – in my own pace – can put away the laundry or clean the house. Or maybe I’ll take a nap on the couch. It’s my decision…
